Sunday, March 15, 2009

Thats the Way the Cookie Crumbles

Over the course of the last week my communication with Chocolate Chip Cookie has completely broken down. The catalyst for this was a call that Chocolate Chip Cookie got from his ex-boyfriend. It was the call to come home.

It seems as though the plans of the ex who had not long ago moved out weren’t quite working out and so he wanted to move back in. Chocolate Chip Cookie said that the ex was still on the mortgage and that he felt like he had to let him move back to the house – that coupled with the fact the Chocolate Chip Cookie missed the dog they once shared.

And that is how the cookie crumbled. The ex moved back in last Saturday and every day since the calls and texts have dwindled. I’m not shocked by this. When he told me the ex called I knew that he would answer. That’s how these things typically go. The only thing that does slightly disturb me however is that in our last few sparse exchanges Chocolate Chip Cookie has felt the need to apologize for the communication being sparse or short.

He, like I am, is a grown man and that means too old to be apologizing for how we feel and what we do. He did whatever the heck he does with his ex and his friends that he had before he met me this weekend and didn’t reach out. I don’t want him to apologize for that as he did. I had a great and relaxing weekend with myself and I’m not apologizing for that. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Afternoon Delight

Earlier this week Chocolate Chip Cookie and I had a chance to spend some time together. We caught a movie and went to dinner after. I enjoyed our time together. It was just what I had wanted and my sweet tooth was satisfied.

Today was a rather long day at work, mostly because of a late afternoon meeting with someone who I couldn’t determine if he was dumb, lazy or both. Not the ideal note to end the day on – confused about the confused. Nevertheless, when the meeting was over I walked out in the hall and looked at my cell phone at just the right time to see it light up with an incoming call. It was Chocolate Chip Cookie and it was perfect timing.

I had decided toward the end of the meeting that my reward for the long day was going to blow my diet and buy a big sugar cookie from the shop across the street from my office building but with the call from Chocolate Chip Cookie I realized there wasn’t a need. I was okay with the unexpected call as my treat. I didn’t a sugar cookie I had a Chocolate Chip Cookie instead.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Table for One

I told myself that I wouldn’t allow this to happen. In fact I had been doing pretty good avoiding it for the past few weeks. Nevertheless it has happened. I am feeling kind of blue as I sit here eating a frozen pizza. I believe this is dinner and that is why I am disappointed.

The first Sunday in January and the first Sunday in February I shared a meal and most pleasant company with Chocolate Chip Cookie. Unfortunately, the first Sunday in February was the last time I saw him too. I’ve made a couple of attempts to see him and they both came at times when he couldn’t accept the invitation. To his credit he did invite me to dinner and movie but when worked called he had to answer and our plans were postponed indefinitely it seems.

I am totally interested in getting to know him but text messages and phone calls are no longer satisfying my curiosity nor hunger for face to face time. I know he got out of a relationship not long ago and wants to build friendships before anything. I know that in my head and there it makes perfect sense. I told myself not to create expectations and take it one day at a time. But I’ve reached a fork in the road where my mind and my heart don’t agree. So which road am I going to choose?

Part of me wants to go along to get along and see where this slow and steady exploration of friendship and learning each other leads. Yet, the other part of me, the most often seen and heard part of me, the me that I and everyone else knows – that part of me wants to get throw some engines on this thing and move it faster right along.

I fear both roads though. I don’t want to move so slow that the desire and opportunity are lost nor do I want to move so fast that I find that I’ve pushed him away. I need to choose a direction soon though and keep going. But right now I guess I’ll just enjoy my pizza alone.