Monday, April 27, 2009

Here we go again

Ten years ago I was living in a city I no longer wanted to live in, attending a school I no longer wanted to attend, experiencing an internal struggle that manifest itself in very external ways, shaping my the foundation of my identity and manhood. Ten years ago I took several leaps of faith and through those leaps I have landed where I am today.

Ten years later I am continuing to explore myself, the world, where I am in it and where I want to be in and just what exactly I can do to make this world the one I want it and know that it can be.

Ten years is a mighty long time. Ten years is also just a blip on the line of eternity.

And here I am today, on that line, looking at the years that have past. Looking to the years ahead and wondering how I will view this moment.

In some ways I feel just as I did ten years ago. I feel like something has to give and that something may even be me. I feel like I am wading in the middle of an ocean with the ability to swim toward land but not quite knowing what direction to swim in. I feel like there is something great in store, but I just don’t know what it is. That is how I felt ten years ago. It is how I feel right now. I am unsure and at the same time very certain.

I was led to and took several leaps of faith then and I continue to pray that I’ll be led to and make the right leaps again. Even remembering that while leaping I stumbled and found myself bruised then, I understand that too was part of the process. The perfectly imperfect beautiful process that led me here to this moment in my life.

I swam in that ocean. I made it to land. I stood on my own two feet and when I couldn’t God lifted me, and I walked tall.

Here we go again.