Friday, October 15, 2010

Changing Seasons

Here I am. It is that season again. The season that brings anxiety, questions, fear and typically transition. It is fall. It is a familiar cycle. A lot of transformative events in my life have happened in the fall. It is so symbolic. Though I shouldn’t be surprised for my life is punctuated by symbolism. Ultimately, I find it fitting.

So this fall I am walking a tight rope and not even sure how long it is or where it will lead exactly but I am on it and trying to move carefully and skillfully without falling. I am dealing with a lot of unknown factors in my career, my livelihood and in reaching up and out for my higher calling.

Lord knows I want to make what my grandmother called “good money” and at the same time I want to feel like I am truly doing something good. I want my next move to be a leap not a step. That is what I really want. I want it and think I’ve been working at it for some time now but don’t know when or where that work is going to payoff. It is my prayer and vision that it will. Sometimes my mind frowns but my heart musters just enough hope to smile.

The fall air is cool. While it is a welcome from what was a hot and humid summer it makes me long for arms to wrap around me at night. So many claim to love me but there isn’t one who wants to be in love with me. How could that be? I believe that question is now as old as my desire and yet still younger than my acceptance of who I am.

A very kind young man that I offered a few encouraging words to while he was going through a transition last fall that lasted through the summer called a few weeks ago to tell me thanks. I wonder if he had any idea that I needed to hear him say that he was doing well because it gave me more faith that I would too.