Sunday, March 01, 2009

Table for One

I told myself that I wouldn’t allow this to happen. In fact I had been doing pretty good avoiding it for the past few weeks. Nevertheless it has happened. I am feeling kind of blue as I sit here eating a frozen pizza. I believe this is dinner and that is why I am disappointed.

The first Sunday in January and the first Sunday in February I shared a meal and most pleasant company with Chocolate Chip Cookie. Unfortunately, the first Sunday in February was the last time I saw him too. I’ve made a couple of attempts to see him and they both came at times when he couldn’t accept the invitation. To his credit he did invite me to dinner and movie but when worked called he had to answer and our plans were postponed indefinitely it seems.

I am totally interested in getting to know him but text messages and phone calls are no longer satisfying my curiosity nor hunger for face to face time. I know he got out of a relationship not long ago and wants to build friendships before anything. I know that in my head and there it makes perfect sense. I told myself not to create expectations and take it one day at a time. But I’ve reached a fork in the road where my mind and my heart don’t agree. So which road am I going to choose?

Part of me wants to go along to get along and see where this slow and steady exploration of friendship and learning each other leads. Yet, the other part of me, the most often seen and heard part of me, the me that I and everyone else knows – that part of me wants to get throw some engines on this thing and move it faster right along.

I fear both roads though. I don’t want to move so slow that the desire and opportunity are lost nor do I want to move so fast that I find that I’ve pushed him away. I need to choose a direction soon though and keep going. But right now I guess I’ll just enjoy my pizza alone.