Saturday, December 11, 2004

Pack Light

I called to ask my sister if she had a martini shaker in hopes that would be one less item I had to pack for my trip home the week after next. I was delighted when she responded in the affirmative. There would be more room in my bag for other frivolous things that I can over pack. But as many conversations go when I’m talking to someone from home it turned from delight into agitation when she started telling me all about how I should run my life. I know that she like my mother and other folks at home only say things from there heart because they think they know what is best for me. I try to respect that as much as possible. Yet and still it bothers me. I am a young adult who does not know everything there is to know about the world and is sure to make many mistakes and missteps on the path of life. In the same token I am a young adult who has a good head on his shoulders, a pinch of street smarts, a pocket full of good sense and a whole lot of faith in God.

As I am preparing my clothes and other tangibles to head to Cleveland I am now also in the process of preparing my mind as well. It took me some time to put into words what it was that I feel when I go back to Cleveland or speak with people who are still there. It took me a while to realize that the world that I grew up in is not the same world that I have created for myself as an adult. It is at times difficult to merge the two or get one to understand the other – hence my problem from earlier with my sister. When I go home I feel like it is back to being CJ the child/person that my family grew up with and when I am anywhere else in the world I am Clay Starr the man/person that I have become in adulthood. To be both, to be just one, simple to be….

I will not be packing my own martini shaker this year nor will I pack my tongue. It’ll be easier to leave it in DC than hold it when someone starts talking to CJ when it is really Clay Starr.