Emotionally Unavailable

In the past year I have taken a fancy to several men who at some point or another showed an interest in me. Yet, it is November, harvest time has come and I am as single today as I was when I started planting seeds of amorous friendship months ago. I constantly ask and others ask me the question: Why are you still single? I generally respond to myself and others with the stock quote, “I suppose I haven’t met the right person at the right time.” The answer is very cliché, I can say it while still smiling and being gracious and it won’t send me into a depression. But today, I’d like to focus on one real reason that I am still single.

I seem to be attracted to, or they are often attracted to me, the emotionally unavailable. The emotionally unavailable are generally people that meet all of your basic dating criteria. Everything on the outside looks good and it’s not until you try to take it out of the wrapper, either on a date or via several conversations with the person that you find out –they won’t allow the wrapper to come off. The emotionally unavailable I encounter have been used and or abused in a previous relationship and won’t allow someone else the opportunity to truly get to know him. He is closed and won’t let you into his world, his thoughts and feelings. As selfish as it may sound – he pisses me off. He could be good for me if he weren’t messed up.

On one hand, yes you have been through the fire, someone fucked you over. You have valid reasons to believe that someone else wants to and will hurt you again. More than likely, someone will. However, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable by not allowing yourself the opportunity to love and be loved you are short changing yourself and others.

An open letter to all those emotionally unavailable people:

Dear Mr./Ms. Emotionally Unavailable,

You deserve to be cared for by someone who genuinely wants to see you live, love and grow. Please release some of that fear of being bruised again. Someone will care for you. Someone will love you. Moreover, you will be able to care and love someone else. When those things happen in sync – I’m told it’s a beautiful thing. (I wouldn’t know it yet because you haven’t given me the opportunity.) Experience the beauty for yourself.

In the words of Sister Angelou, “heal yourself and then go heal someone else.”

Ready and Available,

Clay Starr

P.S. – If you are reading this and you are one of those people that are going around hurting others, know that hurt people, hurt people. Address your real issues. Go do some healing of yourself.