Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Looking for Langston

Tonight I went to dinner with a colleague of mine from grad school. Dinner was lovely. I did some serious damage to some tortilla chips and had my usual crab enchiladas. Sitting there quite full with a belly full of delight and waiting on him to finish his meal I found myself distracted by a tall dark skin man. From the angle he was standing and the way I was sitting I only caught glimpses of his side profile and then his backside. For a few moments I was physically at the table but my mind was definitely somewhere else. My thoughts weren’t even on the man who was in front of me at the restaurant though. My attention was now focused on a man whom the gentleman at the restaurant reminded me of, Langston, the man I want to love but he can’t love me. I sat there in a trancelike state for just a moment looking at this random man and thinking deeply about Langston.

This is not the first time this has happened. For whatever reason what happened tonight has happened several times in the past two weeks. Every tall dark skin man I see makes me think of Langston and now more than ever it seems like the world is full of tall dark skin men. They are on the train, in the grocery store, in restaurants, they are everywhere and everywhere they are I see Langston. I try not to think about him because I know the realities that we live in and why we aren’t together. Now if only my subconscious can understand that too.

I know he is not here in Washington, DC, so why do I constantly think that I see him then? Is Langston everywhere that I am because my heart is or am I just a nut case? With the exception of my trip to the library and dinner with the LoveHater I will not leave my house tomorrow. Hopefully then I won’t see Langston.