Thursday, June 02, 2005

Rain Stopped Fallin', Rain Stopped Callin'

Friends, including my mother, have been asking me whatever happened to Fresh Rain. That is a question I have asked myself too. What did happen to Fresh Rain? Like nearly every other man that I have ever begun to develop feelings for, why did he fade away. One minute he was there and the next he was gone. Another reminder in my life of the importance of enjoying the moment because I don’t always know how long its going to last or when another one is going to come.

The last time Fresh Rain and I hung out together was just about one month ago. He and I met at my favorite dessert spot and enjoyed sweets, treats and headed to Tower to buy him some beats. At the end of the night he drove me home and in front of my building we sat for a few minutes talking and recapping the night. He had a wonderful night. He was happy that he decided to get out the house. He enjoyed my company. That was the moment. Then that moment passed.

Two days later we talked again. I called him to see how his day went and if he turned in a report that he had been working on for his boss. The conversation was just as smooth as any other that we’d had. In his words I heard no hint of oddity. I was still riding high from our last face to face encounter. He told me that he had to wrap the conversation up and that he would call me back. I never got a call.

A few days later I gave it another try. I was trying to be mature. I didn’t want to get entrenched in a game of “I called him last. He needs to call me.” About a year ago I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to talk to someone I should just pick up the phone and call that person. I got his voice mail. He returned my call. I thought nothing unusual about this conversation either. He told me he would call me back. I tried him once more a week later to no avail. It’s now been a few weeks and my phone hasn’t rung, at least not with him on the other end of it.

I played every scene we shared together out over and over in my mind convinced that it was something that I did or said that wasn’t suppose to be in the script or perhaps maybe I wasn’t on cue in this movie called his life. What happened to Fresh Rain and why does it always seem to happen to me. I dissected the situation and have come up with the reason I think he severed his ties with me.

When I met Fresh Rain he was newly out of a six year relationship. Ladies and gentleman, there you have it. I assert that Fresh Rain saw our ‘talking’ moving closer to another relationship or semblance thereof and before it got any further he decided to retreat. I don’t know if I can blame a brother for that. If I were just newly minted a single man perhaps I would want to enjoy the shine of my new found freedom as well. But what I can fault him for is that he hasn’t to date just come flat out and told me that. I’ll admit that I too have just ceased communication with men that were interested in me once I determined that surely I wasn’t interested in them. Because of the feeling that I have right now and especially how I felt after the first few days when he didn’t call me, I know that is not something I want to do to someone else again.

The fall of Fresh Rain was hard for me to take initially particularly because other than Langston I’d not seen a man in the same light before. I’m not Janet Jackson but I suppose that’s the way that love goes. DC is a small town and I am sure that eventually I will see him again and when I do I will be cordial as always though I am sure a small part of me will have a few other emotions.

For years I have asked myself the same question over and over again. Is it me? What is it that I do or don’t do that makes people react to me the way that they do? Why did I consistently meet men in some transition stage in their lives? When will I find a man that I like and who is also, single, emotionally available and likes me? For much more than a moment.