Friday, February 03, 2006

The Score

You can't win
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
People keep sayin'
Things are gonna change
But they look just like they're staying the same
You get in
Way over your head
And you've only got yourself to blame

You can't win, chile
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game

You Can't Win

It seems that every time I start getting to know a man that something happens. Something happens to me, him or the situations that surround us. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting with The Wiz but on Tuesday I got the unexpected. I saw an ugly side that blindsided me. I think to myself now that I should have seen it coming. While I was never exactly sure of what I wanted from him, it is becoming more apparent that there is one thing in particular he wants from me that I am not yet willing to give.

Since this revelation on Tuesday our conversations have been like a yo-yo, sometimes they are up and sometimes they are down. Now, I was the first to say that The Wiz and I shared as many differences as we probably share similarities but I wanted to believe that our friendship could still progress. I am no longer so sure. His rhetoric and recent actions speak to someone that is not me and my reply to him is to go talk to that person. I am not the one.

Last night our back and forth intensified once again. I was very clear in articulating my stance. He talked in circles about his – one that didn’t even match what he’d said earlier in the day. I’m a man who loves words, breathes words, listens to, cherishes, throws, catches, lusts for them and can only take a man for his. I was angry with myself last night for finding myself in this situation. TheLoverHater came over to talk this one out with me in the wee hours of the morning. Bless him.

If only I had never opened myself up or allowed him in more than my physical space I wouldn’t be thinking about him now. I wouldn’t be here trying to figure out why it is so hard to just release him from my thoughts. What do I fear?

If you believe
Within your heart you'll know
That no one can change
The path that you must go

Believe what you feel
And know you're right, because
The time will come around
When you say it's yours

Believe there's a reason to be
Believe you can make time stand still
You know from the moment you try
If you believe
I know you will

Believe in yourself, right from the start
You'll have brains
You'll have a heart
You'll have courage
To last your whole life through

If you believe in yourself
If you believe in yourself
If you believe in yourself
As I believe in you

Believe In Yourself