Monday, December 05, 2005

To my heart...

Dear Heart,

First, I have to say thank you. Over the years you have proven to be true and strong. In times where my body or my mind had not the will to move on or ahead you stepped up to the plate. Without you I don’t know where I would be. It is on your strength that I am often carried.

I now know more about you than I ever have. You are intricate but not as complex as I once thought you were. I find that your simplicity is a large part of your beauty. I adore it and hope that you will continue to love me as much as I love you.

But there are times when I wonder, what are you doing and why. Last night and even just a few minutes ago I listened to you when my mind told me to do something different. This tremendous power over me that you possess is at times dangerous. I believe that you have the best of intentions. I really do. But it is hard to trust you and my mind always wants to fight you. I know it has the best intentions too. Will there ever be a time when you two agree?

Of course, you two agree on issues of family, most often of friends, but when it comes down to desires to pursue, build and share something with someone on a more intimate level almost never. One of you runs to the possibility, one of you runs away from the possibility and both of you are afraid of just standing still. We know we have to be hurt but we don’t want to gingerly walk into the pain. Thank you for protecting me from unnecessary pain. But I know how you move and that it will eventually happen – the pain that is, and the joy that will come before it and even the lesson from it. I just pray that you will as always be strong.

I don’t know what all I thought this letter would say or mean but I felt the need to talk to you. So to wrap it up I want to say thank you again and that I will try to keep all of us, mind, body and you my heart working together. Continue to be optimistic and curious like a small child, willing to try new things. I admit I will still hand over most power and decision making to the mind but I will however try to make more efforts to hear you out and let you learn, grow and make mistakes.

I love you.


Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?