Wednesday, December 24, 2008

No Place on Earth I Would Rather Be

There is no place on Earth that I would rather be than where I am sitting right now.

I am home. I am home with my mother, brother and sister. I am home in a place where when I walked in my entire body shifted. In these walls there is a extraordinary power, a love, a healing, a security, a haven that I can experience nowhere else on Earth. And I am grateful.

For weeks now I have been moving toward a crossroad in my life. This entire year has been one that I will never forget. How can I forget the incredible loss of my grandmother? How can I forget that sound of my own scream when I thrown to the ground by an attacker? How can I ever forget the feeling of helplessness when I called my mother while she sat in a hospital? How can I forget the bruise my brother left when he hit me with his words? How can I forget the heartwarming hug from my cousin that felt like he was embracing my body with his arms and my heart with his mind? How can I forget the moment I leaped to my feet when a Black man leaped higher than I thought anyone could jump? How can I forget the sparkle of the most beautiful city I have ever seen from atop the Eiffel Tower?

I will not forget. I know that I won’t because these are events, moments and feelings that changed me and my life – the world. And another change is coming. I know that change is coming because I now am experiencing a feeling that I have felt before. It feels kind of good and at the same time very scary. I don’t know what the freedom is going to look like but I know I am soon going to break loose. Be set free. Set myself free. Burst. Unleash.

So I am glad right now that I can be home.

I’ve wanted to be here for a few weeks. I had been really anticipating the holiday for this reason. It is a gift to be here. In the belly of a whale of peace that will give me strength.
Home is also the place I came nearly a decade ago. I just thought about it the other night. Next year will mark the 10 year anniversary of what has so far been the most transformational time of my life journey.

I will never forget that is when I stood up for myself. I will never forget that is when I took the big leap. I will never forget that is when I failed. I will never forget that is when I actually succeeded. I will never forget those tears. I will never forget wanting to take my own life. I will never forget learning to live all over again. I will never forget telling the world who I was. I will never forget that Christmas. I will never forget that I was able to and did come home. It was a year of great frustration and sadness. It was also simply great.

I am home now, reflecting on that time of my life and truly my life right now. On the eve of change and ten years after the biggest changes of my life I am home. I can’t imagine anywhere else I would rather be.