Sunday, July 23, 2006

Wiz | Biz

The Bible tells the story of a man named Saul. We read his story, learn of his life and his character and as the story goes, we see a change in him. He changes his thoughts, which change his actions and eventually his life and most certainly his character. His name also changes. He is Paul.

Over the past several weeks, months really, I have struggled with my feelings and my relationship with The Wiz. My brain has followed its usual course of action and moved along much further than my heart when it comes to analyzing our kinship. It is my mind that tells me that a relationship will not exist between the two of us. It is my mind that tells me that we are lacking a common and shared goal which is essential to a fruitful and healthy relationship. It is my mind that tells me in the middle of the night, that he has what I want but not necessarily what I need. My mind tells me that in all situations I must first have my needs satisfied. My brain says those things. My heart wishes to argue but my brain and gut usually win. I wish the struggle were over.

The past two weeks have been the most intense in negotiating my kinship with The Wiz. He is who he is and I am who I am and I am moving closer to even who I want to be. Transition is not always quick and smooth. It takes time I have learned. And yes, I am still learning.

Sometimes when we are learning God and the almighty universe sends us instructors to help get the lesson. He uses others as vessels. Sometimes unexpectedly.

In December 2003 I was introduced to a man whose name was also The Wiz. He was a young professional who took a step back whenever I would attempt to take a step forward. I couldn’t understand his caution. Many times after our initial meeting we would encounter each other here and there. We would make the smallest of small talk and never go too far beyond our surface.

After several years, he emerged in my life in a more personal way, two or three weeks ago. Our conversation this time was much more free-flowing. The surface had been scratched. A week ago he and I saw each other out and about and engaged in a lengthy conversation that I didn’t want to end. For the first time being able to see beyond the careful public shell, I realized that he possessed good yolk.

Since that evening we have enjoyed a few phone conversations and in each I have learned a little more about him. This afternoon we spoke and as he told me stories about past relationships he began speaking to my spirit in a way that he could not have known. In turn helping me to reconcile what is going on between my brain and my heart. His words resonated with me. Need. Self love. Due time. Growth. Prayer. Unseen. Change. Future. God.

This Wiz had a new name. He is The Biz and I am continually thankful for the vessels God sends for whom I can learn.