Sunday, September 18, 2005

My Presence

When I woke up this morning the first thing I said was, “Praise God.” The second thing I said was, “Can I have a number two with orange drink instead of orange juice please?” I was hungry and definitely my throat was parched. Another Saturday party and another Sunday of waking up hungry because I didn’t have enough to eat the night before.

Last night I did something that this morning after finishing off my number two and orange drink I decided I would not do again – host someone’s birthday party. In November I helped host and pull together a birthday party for AQueer. It was a nice affair but afterward I was drained. Several others were too but in a much different way but that’s a totally separate tale of tails.

Yesterday evening I was the official host with the most for a birthday party for Mr. Kane. Much of the day I spent with him preparing for the party which was nice because I so enjoy his company but the time went by quickly. The bewitching hour was fast approaching and I had to do a costume change and head to the venue to begin set up. The food was early, the bartender on time but the liquor supplier was running late. I had several hands helping me and they were dolls. I couldn’t have made it through the prep without them but at some point my mood changed and what I could have made it through the evening without were some of the guests. By the end of the night a few of them were getting on my nerves. And as the host I couldn’t leave and because they were friends of the birthday boy I couldn’t just kick them out.

There is nothing worse than being somewhere, especially a party in where you can’t leave. Earlier this summer I went to a gala on The Odyssey III and I was terrified of going for that very reason. It was a social event on a moving vessel with the only way out being to jump overboard and swim to shore. Problematic because first of all, I am not that great of a swimmer and second because I wouldn’t want to ruin my favorite pair of black shoes. That evening didn’t turn out so bad though. A man I once lusted after was there, and I still vow that should he ever become comfortable with his own sexuality I would pursue him. Being comfortable with your sexuality has always been a big requirement for men that I date, mostly because if you aren’t comfortable with yours you couldn’t possibly be comfortable with mine. The very presence of my sexual identity has been known to be so bright and radiant that it often casts more shadows than the sun. Just because.

Last night after the saxophonist I hired played a jazzy rendition of Happy Birthday I felt like my work was done. Too bad it wasn’t. Setting up, being up and then the cleaning up wears me out at those things. Suffice to say, I have typically pulled together my own birthday celebrations. I was reminded again last night of why. The gift of time, dollars or energy that goes into throwing or hosting a party for someone is quite large and I wouldn’t ask someone else. The next time someone asks me I will gracefully decline and offer another gift. My presence will be their present.