Just a Reminder of the Burden of My Beauty
I reconnected with an old buddy online last night.
Reminder: what's your name, man?
CLAYSTARR: people call me Clay*.....and yours?
Reminder: CLAYSTARR!?
CLAYSTARR: some people may call me that too
CLAYSTARR: what is ur name?
Reminder: soft, high-pitched voice? phat bubble ass?
Reminder: XX
Reminder: from indiana.. i know you from ohio …we both know a dude named blackpulse from cincinnati
CLAYSTARR: *GASP* ............where have you been?!
CLAYSTARR: i havent seen you in ages
Reminder: working.. hard!
Reminder: see.. u let a good one slip through your hands...
Reminder: so much for playing hard to get... :)
CLAYSTARR: u know i loved me some you and then you disappeared
Reminder: i see dc has converted u into a local
CLAYSTARR: good things come to those who wait
CLAYSTARR: a local? in what sense?
Reminder: now, u are technically a transplant
Reminder: and on your way to being a permanent resident
Reminder: dc is a good place for you to begin your career, but u already know that
CLAYSTARR: you think so, i've been here three years and have become deeply rooted in this city...but lately i've been wondering if its time for me to move
Reminder: there are great opportunities here..
CLAYSTARR: when the smoke cleared and the dust settled after i graduated i tried finding u.....none of the numbers i had for u worked and your old email address was shut down
CLAYSTARR: i was so infatuated with u
Reminder: is your voice deeper now? :)
CLAYSTARR: ha! no it isnt
Reminder: we may have to do something about that voice... :)
CLAYSTARR: so is the deeper voice a requirement?
Reminder: nothing is a requirement for friendship.. other than having a good heart... knowing how to keep your business to yourself... being ethical, etc.
Reminder: a deeper voice would be attractive, just like some people prefer 6' plus brothas... but, such is life... we are all unique
Reminder: and u are definitely one of a kind
CLAYSTARR: i have literally thought about u hundreds of times since we last spoke/did u ever think about me? Will you marry me?
Reminder: i would have to turn u into an educated "thug"... and send you to a voice analyst to help deepen your voice... :)
Reminder: but hell.. these are all things we can work with... right? :)
CLAYSTARR: i forgot u didnt like my voice and ways
Reminder: i think that u are to a great extent a product of your environment... and after being in ohio... i can understand.. u have the intelligence and the ethics of a strong man.. but maybe someday i can work with you so that your strength is also reflected in the inflection/pitch of your voice... and your "ways" as you put it
Reminder: u are a brilliant young man.. but u could be sooooo much more dynamic...
Reminder: u feel me?
CLAYSTARR: i think im more comfortable than i have ever been with myself
Reminder: i am soooo glad to hear that
Reminder: but u understand what i am telling u, right?
CLAYSTARR: i accept your opinion
Reminder: i get the impression that dudes have always wanted you to play the soft, submissive role.. but, that is only reflective of one small piece of who you are... and it isn't reflective of the strength of your masculinity and malehood... the claystarr i knew was a very intelligent, cultured, head-strong brotha.. is this still the case?
CLAYSTARR: i am still all of those things and today more so than ever though it may not be in the pitch of my voice it is found in my presence and confidence, all of which i didn't always have
Reminder: ok. so now capitalize on the growth you've made and take it to an even higher level.. so that people will be immediately drawn to your presence and confidence, rather than fixating on voice pitch or mannerisms... u feel me?
CLAYSTARR: I'm not who I was ten years ago. I'm not who I was ten minutes ago. - George C. Wolfe
Reminder: and that is a beautiful thing.. but, i hope that you will not be the same person you are now.... ten minutes or ten years from now. right? life is about personal growth and advancement
CLAYSTARR: i will offer some validation to your argument - i had a discussion about this earlier today - in relation to me thinking of moving out of dc
Reminder: i know that i am not the first person who cares to bring it to you
CLAYSTARR: cares or Dares?
Reminder: this isnt a dare... ive always acknowledged your talent and potential.. i felt that bond with you as a fellow midwesterner
Reminder: we are both brothaz trying to make it
CLAYSTARR: u still in the philanthropy bizness?
Reminder: i have no reason to feed you some garbage ... i say these things because i know they will help u advance in life
Reminder: now, if corporate boardrooms were gay... and everybody wore pink, it would be a different story... but, we must be able to function in "their" world.. feel me?
CLAYSTARR: i hear u
Reminder: ok. think about what i've said... and start experimenting... just play around with your voice.. see what u can do.. explore yourself..
Time and time again I have explored, thought about, analyzed, interpreted, theorized, pontificated, prayed, laid, cried, died and was reborn – all things centered around the burden of my beauty. It is heavy. But I am beautiful. It is heavy. But I am strong. It is heavy. But it is my cross to carry. It is heavy. But I am.
Reminder: what's your name, man?
CLAYSTARR: people call me Clay*.....and yours?
Reminder: CLAYSTARR!?
CLAYSTARR: some people may call me that too
CLAYSTARR: what is ur name?
Reminder: soft, high-pitched voice? phat bubble ass?
Reminder: XX
Reminder: from indiana.. i know you from ohio …we both know a dude named blackpulse from cincinnati
CLAYSTARR: *GASP* ............where have you been?!
CLAYSTARR: i havent seen you in ages
Reminder: working.. hard!
Reminder: see.. u let a good one slip through your hands...
Reminder: so much for playing hard to get... :)
CLAYSTARR: u know i loved me some you and then you disappeared
Reminder: i see dc has converted u into a local
CLAYSTARR: good things come to those who wait
CLAYSTARR: a local? in what sense?
Reminder: now, u are technically a transplant
Reminder: and on your way to being a permanent resident
Reminder: dc is a good place for you to begin your career, but u already know that
CLAYSTARR: you think so, i've been here three years and have become deeply rooted in this city...but lately i've been wondering if its time for me to move
Reminder: there are great opportunities here..
CLAYSTARR: when the smoke cleared and the dust settled after i graduated i tried finding u.....none of the numbers i had for u worked and your old email address was shut down
CLAYSTARR: i was so infatuated with u
Reminder: is your voice deeper now? :)
CLAYSTARR: ha! no it isnt
Reminder: we may have to do something about that voice... :)
CLAYSTARR: so is the deeper voice a requirement?
Reminder: nothing is a requirement for friendship.. other than having a good heart... knowing how to keep your business to yourself... being ethical, etc.
Reminder: a deeper voice would be attractive, just like some people prefer 6' plus brothas... but, such is life... we are all unique
Reminder: and u are definitely one of a kind
CLAYSTARR: i have literally thought about u hundreds of times since we last spoke/did u ever think about me? Will you marry me?
Reminder: i would have to turn u into an educated "thug"... and send you to a voice analyst to help deepen your voice... :)
Reminder: but hell.. these are all things we can work with... right? :)
CLAYSTARR: i forgot u didnt like my voice and ways
Reminder: i think that u are to a great extent a product of your environment... and after being in ohio... i can understand.. u have the intelligence and the ethics of a strong man.. but maybe someday i can work with you so that your strength is also reflected in the inflection/pitch of your voice... and your "ways" as you put it
Reminder: u are a brilliant young man.. but u could be sooooo much more dynamic...
Reminder: u feel me?
CLAYSTARR: i think im more comfortable than i have ever been with myself
Reminder: i am soooo glad to hear that
Reminder: but u understand what i am telling u, right?
CLAYSTARR: i accept your opinion
Reminder: i get the impression that dudes have always wanted you to play the soft, submissive role.. but, that is only reflective of one small piece of who you are... and it isn't reflective of the strength of your masculinity and malehood... the claystarr i knew was a very intelligent, cultured, head-strong brotha.. is this still the case?
CLAYSTARR: i am still all of those things and today more so than ever though it may not be in the pitch of my voice it is found in my presence and confidence, all of which i didn't always have
Reminder: ok. so now capitalize on the growth you've made and take it to an even higher level.. so that people will be immediately drawn to your presence and confidence, rather than fixating on voice pitch or mannerisms... u feel me?
CLAYSTARR: I'm not who I was ten years ago. I'm not who I was ten minutes ago. - George C. Wolfe
Reminder: and that is a beautiful thing.. but, i hope that you will not be the same person you are now.... ten minutes or ten years from now. right? life is about personal growth and advancement
CLAYSTARR: i will offer some validation to your argument - i had a discussion about this earlier today - in relation to me thinking of moving out of dc
Reminder: i know that i am not the first person who cares to bring it to you
CLAYSTARR: cares or Dares?
Reminder: this isnt a dare... ive always acknowledged your talent and potential.. i felt that bond with you as a fellow midwesterner
Reminder: we are both brothaz trying to make it
CLAYSTARR: u still in the philanthropy bizness?
Reminder: i have no reason to feed you some garbage ... i say these things because i know they will help u advance in life
Reminder: now, if corporate boardrooms were gay... and everybody wore pink, it would be a different story... but, we must be able to function in "their" world.. feel me?
CLAYSTARR: i hear u
Reminder: ok. think about what i've said... and start experimenting... just play around with your voice.. see what u can do.. explore yourself..
Time and time again I have explored, thought about, analyzed, interpreted, theorized, pontificated, prayed, laid, cried, died and was reborn – all things centered around the burden of my beauty. It is heavy. But I am beautiful. It is heavy. But I am strong. It is heavy. But it is my cross to carry. It is heavy. But I am.
posted by ClayStarr at 9:39 PM
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