Monday, October 09, 2006

..and the Glory be to God.

Had I never met him, had I never known him, I do not know if or when I would have ever loved so deeply. Tonight I realize how thankful that I am for the opportunity, perhaps of a lifetime, to get to know the Wiz.

Had I never met him I don’t know that I would have learned so much about life, or love, or even about myself. For the first time tonight I closed my eyes and told the Creator thank you for bringing the Wiz into my life. For the first time tonight it clicked for me. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I stuttered. My lips trembled and I told the Wiz himself. I told him that I was thankful to him and for him.

I learned so much about love. I know today that I have been in love. I love the Wiz so deeply and I know that I love him because I know that I have to let him go. Real love.

He is phine. He is beautiful. He is a gorgeous man. At first glance. But I know him and I know that his outer beauty is only an exterior barrier. On the inside he is bruised, beaten, scarred and tight, tied in knots. His pain is on the inside. I have been in there and I have seen it with my own eyes.

As I write this, I hurt. I hurt because I know that although he is trying to heal himself that he still hurts in places that I can't imagine and I don’t want him to hurt any longer. I want him to be completely whole, healthy, happy and well. These things I want for him so badly. I see him. I see a man that I just want to be lifted up.

Tonight I lifted him up in my petitions. I stood on the corner, outside a church, next to a tree, in the dark and stopped in my tracks and prayed his spirit be protected and his life transformed. And this, I did not do alone. I knew I couldn’t do this one alone and I had to call another true believer. She believes in God and she believes in me. She has seen hurt men before and I was hoping that she would believe in my friend too. I was afraid because I had never asked her for anything like this before but she said she would and we prayed. I prayed. My mother prayed. I lifted my voice so that Jesus would lift. She elevated him in her prayer so that God, the Father, the Creator, the Holy Ghost would elevate him too. Take him to another level. Take him higher. Take him to where he is meant to be and Lord, please, please Lord, keep him on his journey.

I love him so deeply that I must let go and let God.

Months have past and even some of my dearest friends have told me to move on, they have asked why do I remain his friend. I realize now the answer. Because it ain’t all about me and what I want and what I need and what I desire and because there are days when I pray and I ask God to continue to use me as a vessel to show others his love. That is why. And even the Wiz needs someone to love him. Not as a lover but as a friend.

He has helped me to grow in ways that others have not. He has challenged me to challenge myself. To him I have given much. Much in a different way he has also given to me. I can see for myself. And my God, I can also see that which I believe so few others have ever seen and that is him. God bless him on his journey. Come what may.

God bless me.

Now, I have felt it on my own skin.

And let the voice at the beginning and the end say to God be the glory.