Thursday, September 29, 2005

Fall Colors

When I walked outside this morning on my way to the Metro station I knew it was fall. For the first time I could feel it in the air. The air feels much different to me around this time of year, even smells different than in other seasons. It calms me like no other and perhaps for that reason alone autumn is one of my favorite seasons. It’s only real rivalry being winter.

I enjoy the fall weather and the colors that make the season so distinct. Orange. Brown. Yellow. Red. They are the colors of the leaves that whisk in the air, fall to the ground and make way for new life. I have looked forward to the new season and welcome a new season in my life as well.

Orange: Sweet as nectar from a fruit, so are the stories of my grandfather. Grampa Starr has led more than an interesting life and soon I will be sitting down with him to get many of his stories on tape. I am not exactly sure what I will do with the transcripts once I complete the interviews. I only realize that his history and tales as a Black man/father/brother/grandfather/family piece mustn’t be lost.

Brown: I love my people but sometimes I ask do my people love themselves and certainly there are moments when I question if they love me. Over the past few months I have begun to care much more about my place in a world rather than my place in a single community. I wish to expand. I am so much more.

Yellow: Thoughts manifest themselves in words and in actions. I am prioritizing things in my life again and in the process planning and devising a more strategic plan. Focus. Focus. Focus on the future. Shakespeare once wrote something to the effect that, there are events in the belly [pregnancy] that must one day be delivered.” Move. Plan. Prepare. Execute. Deliver.

Red: I love the idea of being in love but I’m no longer infatuated with it. I seek it but no longer desperately, almost now sporadically. I know that I am worthy of it and believe that it will come in its true and needed form in due time. In the right season. Only as of late could I even be so sure that I was capable of loving two people – me and someone else – at the same time. How much I am willing to give while nurturing my own self is still a question. It feels so good to be honest.

Even more it feels good to enjoy the colors, touch, spirit and air of this season.