Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Happy Birthday Love

I could not have been happier. It was night before my birthday and I was going to meet my idol. For months he is all that I talked about. My idol wrote this. My idol said that. My idol is speaking here. My idol is speaking there. My idol is brilliant. My idol is handsome, strong and has the most beautiful skin. He was Black, gay, out, smart and everything that I loved. He was everything that I wanted to be. The night before my 20th birthday I was going to meet him.

As a gift my boss purchased tickets to attend an event where he would be speaking. At the time it was the best gift she could have ever given me. I spent the week before planning what I would wear and what I would say if I got close enough that he and I would speak. We did.

He was standing right next to us and he, my idol, turned and struck up conversation with us. I was beside myself. The conversation was lovely. I was in heaven. I had met, spoken with and smiled at Keith Boykin. I thought that the night wouldn’t or couldn’t get any better than those few brief moments. At 19 that was huge for me.

Later on that night everyone at the event was corralled in a small auditorium and there was a brief speaking program. Keith spoke and I being the impressionable youth I was rushed for pen and paper so that I could take notes on his every word. He talked about several things but what I will never forget is that he said that all our decisions are based on fear and love. I was inspired by his words. I was inspired by being in the environment that I was in. I felt comfortable in my own skin, in this world. His words and presence came at the right time and the next day I gave myself a present.

On my 20th birthday I came out to my mother. That was a gift. I did it out of love. It was my love for her, for myself and life and truth.

Today on occasion, when I am making decisions I sometimes still find myself asking if I am acting out of fear or love. Sometimes I don’t like my answer. I acknowledge that. Fortunately, the grace of God continually gives me other opportunities to change it. To walk in faith. To live in freedom. To act out of love. I am grateful.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am going to be 28 years old.

Keith Boykin is no longer my idol but I still like him a lot.

My mother has not only loved me assiduously since the day I was born, but since the day I was reborn in the spirit and then again in myself.

I am choosing and making decisions out of love.

I’m so glad she took me to see my idol. My boyhood crush led to a manhood memory and motivator.


Happy Birthday love.

Happy Birthday me.