Monday, August 21, 2006

What A Day

My, what a day today has been for me. This morning as I dressed for work and made my way toward the Metro station I constructed in my mind the letter I’d write and send. I have given my time, energy, sweat, money and whatever else you can think of over the past several years to Black Magic and today I would be the day that I would let go and let others love her, hopefully as much as I did. The past four years I have been so deeply intertwined with all things Black Magic it was a hard decision to make to say goodbye. But after prayer, thought and meditation I knew it was time. It has been incredible and the last few months as the head sorcerer have taught me a lot about others and my own character. I would not trade these years, these experiences and memories for the world. They have helped create the Black man that I am today. These four years really have been magical. And I believe that the best is yet to come.

My, what a day today has been for me. I don’t know why, it is a date that I stopped marking on my calendar a few years ago, but today it came back to me. This is the day in 1999 that I made a phone call that altered my life. I knew when I made the call that I had no control over what the woman on the other end would say to me, only my reaction to whatever it was that she would say. She delivered disappointing news. News I didn’t want to hear. News I didn’t want to be true. I hung up the phone, told my mother what the woman said and grabbed my keys. My mother knew I was devastated. She also knew that there was nothing she could do. Ironically, I left the house and went to a KKK rally. I had volunteered to work as a legal observer for the ACLU. I was a gay black 19 year old combing a Klan rally to make sure that the police department didn’t infringe on their rights. The irony was thick and my feelings thin. I survived the rest of the day and so did the rally. Late that night I wondered was life itself worth surviving for. What I had invested in and thought was my complete identity was gone at least that’s what the woman on the phone told me that morning. I questioned what else I had to live for. God answered me, he said life. Life is worth living and so I do. And I believe that the best is yet to come.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The Daily Decision

All at once it can be both a great privilege and a heavy burden; the burden is choice. Not only when we first wake up in the morning are we given this ultimate choice, it is put before us several times, perhaps hundreds of times in any given day. It is the choice of deciding of the numerous things we could be, who do we want to be.